Yes, it’s another one of those nights. Well, that and the fact that I accidentally spilled a cup of water all over my bed and I’ve nowhere to sleep while I wait for everything to dry. It doesn’t matter. It would have been a long time before the sandman gathered up enough granular minerals to put my restless mind at ease. Writing has helped before, so I’ll give that a shot.
Of the many trains of thought loudly whistling and bellowing around in my brain, there’s one in particular that’s keeping me awake. I feel as though people my age, in that long and progressive stage between adolescence and adulthood, are characterized by an astounding level of maturity in certain areas and a complete lack of it in others. I am the epitome, or perhaps even a caricature of this.
I wish that I could travel to the past and warn the younger version of myself of my many impeding mistakes. Hell, right now I could look back to the past month and count off more than a few things I wish I would’ve done differently. Will that always be the case? I imagine that I’m receiving timely messages from my future self. Would they ever just say, “Great job, Alex. Just keep doing what you’re doing?” Or will they always contain a long list of blunders and warnings?
I’ll recycle an analogy because unfortunately, restlessness does not coincide with wakefulness. Suppose there are two trains. Given ample time, the one that is traveling at a faster rate will always surpass the other, regardless of their initial starting points. (Unless, of course, you get tripped up in Zeno’s paradoxes). That I can always look back at the past and see my mistakes and flaws must mean that I am continuously learning. I can at least take solace in the fact that I’m moving forward.
This is a short one. But my train of thought isn’t going in the meaningful direction I’d hoped it would, so I’m just going to stop for now.
My next post will be different- a little more on the lighter side, I hope. A little more concrete, too.